Black Pearl: Ghost Ship

An interesting case of synchronicity occurred last night when "Pirates of Caribbean:  Black Pearl" was shown on television.  Many of you have probably already seen this film, but I had not.  Last night I was fascinated because this is a ghost ship that is invested in returning gold coins to their original owners who were Aztec.  Anyway I saw some evil/good meanings in the film.  So at least Hollywood is on the same track as my understanding of the dream:  that black pearl implies some coming together of good and bad:  one of the first opposites we face when we separate from our parents.  Actually the ratio of good to bad is what helps us develop a healthy ego to go into the world.  If there is too much bad, we seem destined to a life of difficulty and suffering.  However, again, some people find their way through that challenge and achieve some integration and sometimes greatness.

Aside:  Jung believes that psychologically we should be looking forward rather than backward in our life journey, and I am comforted by this belief.  Our dreams help us to stay on the forward-looking path.  More later.  

Black Pearl: Alchemy

I have been researching black and pearl for two days now, and I feel like I am just beginning to scratch the surface.  Certainly my search has directed me back to alchemy, and the stages of the process of individuation which include black, white, and red.  Since black and white are included in the image of the black pearl, I am looking into the first two stages of the individuation process.  The first stage, as I mentioned the other day, involves the very beginning of our development, when we are one with the whole of all.  We are one with our mothers, etc.  Then the next stage happens when we begin to separate into "I" and face the multitude of opposites:  good/bad; hot/cold; etc.  The final stage would bring the opposites together, and this stage is red because the blood of life, the reality of living in the world and expressing ourselves as individuals involves action and vitality to our understanding.  

I am fascinated by all this, and want to continue to explore the meaning of the "black pearl" image as it translates into my individual life.

More to come.

Black Pearl

I posted a picture of me today to further my awkwardness and I feel shy.  I am trying to upgrade my site to become more available to whatever audience I have.  I am also trying to include some links to other sites you might find interesting.  I am still doing research on the black pearl.  Most of what I am reading energizes my interest in what this dream is all about.  What I have discovered so far is that a black pearl really does exist.   They come from Tahiti, and they do not really look black to me:  they look more iridescent to me.  

Black refers to the beginning of existence where everything is chaos and there is no one individual.  So black refers to the initial phase of development, psychologically.  Pearl might refer to the stone hidden in the blackness.  For Jung, the stone is the goal of development when we have developed a solid center from which to live.

Anyway, so far so good, and more to come.  In this dream of the black pearl, I was on a sail boat outside of Vancouver, and there were ten black pearls in a bowl which was floating along side the boat.

Holding the tension of the opposites

This morning, I am thinking of opposites such as black pearl which was a symbol which came up in a recent dream of mine.  I have been researching the various references to pearl in Jung's many volumes, and next I want to see how black fits in.  One of the challenges that Jung proposes is that our job as human beings to hold the tension of the opposites:  that means for me right now to hold the tension of black with the beauty and purity of the pearl.  I am open to comments from you readers about what you think.  However let me hint that black refers to the feminine and earth and mystery and the unconscious so I have to find the pearl hidden in the earth, the feminine, and how to understand the mystery of the "black pearl".  

Today I feel a deeper commitment to my dreams: instead of just taking them at face value, I want to elaborate the richness of the symbols that appear in them.  So research is in order, and right now I feel excited about doing just that.  It feels like the next step in taking my dream life seriously, and it also feels like the beginning of finding links between dreams.

It has been a challenge to move from an outer-directed person to an inner-directed person, and today it feels like it fits me more than usual.

Honor my mother

If my mother was still alive, she would be 105 today.  Whenever it is near her birthday or her death day, I feel her presence acutely.  Today is like that.  I have many regrets about our relationship because she was a very important person in my life, and we always seemed to be a odds with one another.  I know that is not unusual in mother-daughter relationships, and I find very comfort in knowing that.  I was so full of myself, and she was insecure and troubled.  She had many talents, and she didn't realize that.  She was a perfectionist as were so many women in that time of history.  I just want to honor her today and wish her a happy birthday.

Fate

Long ago when I was married to a paranoid schizophrenic, my father told me that if I weren't such an emotional stick, he (my husband) would be alright.  How is that for taking responsibility!?  So you can see why having a concept and now an experience of fate has been so important to me.  Jung has said that God is anything that crosses your path and changes your life substantially.  That has happened for me many times:  marrying a schizophrenic, losing my first son, and breast cancer to name just a few of the major events of my life.  

Also good things have happened such as getting hired at the University, having two more children.  There were times in my life when it seemed like everything I touched turned to gold.  I never felt that I had orchestrated those events.  My experience told me that these opportunities came my way, but I had no understanding of fate.

What if there is a blueprint of our lives that we come into the world with, and then our job is to actualize that blueprint?  Based on my life experiences, I know this to be true.

Responsibility

While I have been growing up, I have felt like it is my responsibility to take for all those happenings in my life.  And there have been some tragic ones which then left me with heavy guilt. In 2004, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and this "taking responsibility" for everything that happened to me was challenged.  I began to look for the meaning in my cancer rather than brooding over how I had caused it.  A whole new world opened up for me, and eventually led me to Jung.   Shortly before my diagnosis, I had a dream of being a shark in a zoo.  I was sitting with other sea "people" and we were discussing how the electric fences that kept us enclosed probably were not charged anymore.  I said I was willing to test the waters and I did.  I found that I could swim out into the sea, and there was no charge to keep me from doing so.  I called back to my friends and told them we were free, and they wouldn't come join me.  The question that kept coming to my mind was the relationship between freedom and cancer.

Jung believes and now so do I that each event in our lives has both a cure and a injury attached.  I did have to go through a mastectomy, chemotherapy, and now arimendex to keep the cancer under control.  But also I was given insights about my life and the direction I needed to take form this point forward.  

Fate has a role in our lives:  not just each self struggling with the lessons. 

Projection

I like that Jung reminds me that projection happens to us.  We are not in charge of it.  However when it does happen (whenever we have a strong positive or negative reaction to someone else), it is an opportunity to discover something about ourselves which we have kept in the dark.  I know how hard this is:  we are certain that that  trait is about the other, not at all about ourself.  However if the goal is to become conscious, then I know that my strong reaction is telling me something about claiming another part of me.  Ahggg.  

The price of consciousness is that we need to reclaim all the parts of ourselves.  We can't just determine to be conscious of how good we are; we also need to reclaim how we can be the one who steals, murders, lies, etc.  This post sounds a little preachie, and I suspect that is just so I can distance myself from what I am saying.  It does take a big commitment and a continued one to be able to welcome home all those parts of me that I either love or hate in someone else.  Amen!

Shadow

If the goal of this human incarnation is to become conscious, then learning about my shadow is a big step in that direction.  Jung uses shadow to refer to the fact that these parts of me are in the dark:  the unconscious.  In a dream, if I am hanging out with someone of the same sex as I, then I know that my unconscious is pointing me toward something about me that I have not been aware.  This can be either positive or negative.  For example the other night, I dreamed about an old friend of mine who lives in unreality, lives an arbitrary life, stalks others, etc., so I had to begin to recognize how I am those parts as well.  It is not easy to face those parts of myself that I have felt belonged to someone else, but when the unconscious "puts" it to me in a dream, I really have no choice.  

The advantage of knowing all the parts of who I am is that I can become a whole person, be able to take more responsibility for myself, and to live a fuller life.  Without projecting my parts onto someone else, I came to know myself, be more conscious, and HAVE A SHADOW.  I become a three dimensional person:  not a cut-out figure.

Dreams

My dreams have been challenging lately.  When my dreams introduce me to my shadow side, I have such mixed feelings about them.  Of course, I want to know my dark side, and of course, I would rather not have to face those parts of myself that have been hidden in the dark.  Here is the deal!  Life is about becoming conscious:  I can't become conscious without facing all the parts of me.  So that said, I thank my dreams for confronting me with those parts of myself I prefer to deny.  

Whenever there is a person in my dream that is female, I know that is  a part of my shadow. Whenever there is a male person in my dream, I know that is an animus figure who represents my relationship to the unconscious.  These are Jung's views, and I use them as guides to my dreams.  Lately I have had what Jung calls personal dreams which are dreams that inform us about our dark side.  In the past I have had impersonal dreams which are dreams that inform me of a much greater world (psychic) and how I relate to that.  You have probably heard of the collective unconscious and the personal unconscious.  So our dreams come from one of those two places according to Jung.

First Day

I have wanted to start this blog because I have been searching for something to do in my spare time.  And I have wanted some contact with the outside world.  As I have grown older, my world has collapsed some:  this has been an active decision on my part.  Actually, in this part of my life, I have moved from an extrovert to an introvert.  Rather a shock because I find I am much more vulnerable than I was as a young professional.  All of these comments I am sharing will be revealed in more detail as I go along.  I just wanted to begin somewhere.  I am not blogging about my children, my grandchildren, or my personal connections:  I am blogging about the thoughts, ideas, and memories that reside in my psyche.  I almost said "brain" but I don't mean brain, I mean psyche which is a more complete description of what goes on in my inner world.  

I am calling my blog trueerror because I wanted to highlight the fact that there is no universal truth, only the close approximations that each one of us makes to our individual truths.  That is what this time in my life is about:  seeking my own individual truths and my own individual taboos.