Much ado about nothing yielded something

After I posted yesterday, I actually wrote some.  Putting into place a background to understand what I am trying to say is at least a start.  I may never use any of what I am writing now, but at least I am getting my fingers to work on the computer and words are coming out.  I am reminded once again of the process of writing and that to just get into the "frame" is a step toward to task of writing.  So I think, writing the blog yesterday got my fingers ready to do some more serious writing after I closed my post down.  How about that.  

Much ado about nothing.

I have been in one of those phases where my energy waxes and wanes, and I get impatient with myself.  I imagine as long as I am impatient, my energy will wax and wane.  I know there is a message in this process, and instead of focusing on that, I prefer to beat myself up for not working harder.  In some ways, this is very hard work.  Waiting and sitting in the discomfort is my suggestion to myself.  That is much harder for me than to be busy working on something.  I know working on waiting is the task at hand, but I have no preparation for this task.  When the busy right now is my own creativity, I am challenged in ways I have not been before.  Of course teaching and seeing clients both demanded creativity on my part, there were others involved.  I have an audience or a dialogue work with.  Now it is just me:  no one to talk over the conflicts I feel.  Purpose behind saying some of this out loud on this blog.  

Second half of life

In the second half of life, we are to begin to prepare for death.  With the possibilities of living longer than we ever have before, I wonder.  As I am now a permanent member of the second half of life, I do not think about death.  However, I do feel a certain peace of mind and heart because I feel held by a hand perhaps.  Like the Rumi poem of how the leaves fall into the hand of god.  I feel now that I have always been led by a force or energy greater than my own.  Even when things were horrifying, I know now that a particular crisis was happening because I needed to change the direction of my life.  That doesn't mean I didn't live in the horror, devastation, disorientation, lost, and all of that.  It means that each experience led me to something I had not known before and could not have chosen it on my own.  As Jung discovered in his "confrontation with the unconscious", psyche has lessons for each of us to learn in our own individual ways.  All of these awarenesses are more conscious now, and that alone gives my life more meaning.  I imagine that this peace I speak of is a preparation for death.  

Listening to the music

I have not posted for awhile because I have been deeply involved with my dreams, and have been researching some meanings of the symbols that I have received.  I am noticing cycles that occur in both my waking life and my dream life.  When I am out of touch with my unconscious, I dream of old friends, old past times which I now believe reflects a longing to return to "paradise".  I am projecting "paradise" outside of me and once I find the truth in that, I then return to deeper work with my unconscious that come up in my dreams.  Most recently, I dreamed that monks were teaching me how to make singing bowls so I could "listen" to the music in my dreams and in my reading.  I often listen with my mind and try to understand the words that I am reading rather than being open to the deeper meaning which comes through my unconscious.  One of the parts of Jung that touches me so much is that he can listen to a dream and then his associations reveal many different avenues.  He is listening to the music of the dream rather than just the manifest content.  This takes time, reflection, acquaintance with a vast amount of material in history, science, mythology, physics, etc.  The rewards are great.