Much ado about nothing.

I have been in one of those phases where my energy waxes and wanes, and I get impatient with myself.  I imagine as long as I am impatient, my energy will wax and wane.  I know there is a message in this process, and instead of focusing on that, I prefer to beat myself up for not working harder.  In some ways, this is very hard work.  Waiting and sitting in the discomfort is my suggestion to myself.  That is much harder for me than to be busy working on something.  I know working on waiting is the task at hand, but I have no preparation for this task.  When the busy right now is my own creativity, I am challenged in ways I have not been before.  Of course teaching and seeing clients both demanded creativity on my part, there were others involved.  I have an audience or a dialogue work with.  Now it is just me:  no one to talk over the conflicts I feel.  Purpose behind saying some of this out loud on this blog.  

Second half of life

In the second half of life, we are to begin to prepare for death.  With the possibilities of living longer than we ever have before, I wonder.  As I am now a permanent member of the second half of life, I do not think about death.  However, I do feel a certain peace of mind and heart because I feel held by a hand perhaps.  Like the Rumi poem of how the leaves fall into the hand of god.  I feel now that I have always been led by a force or energy greater than my own.  Even when things were horrifying, I know now that a particular crisis was happening because I needed to change the direction of my life.  That doesn't mean I didn't live in the horror, devastation, disorientation, lost, and all of that.  It means that each experience led me to something I had not known before and could not have chosen it on my own.  As Jung discovered in his "confrontation with the unconscious", psyche has lessons for each of us to learn in our own individual ways.  All of these awarenesses are more conscious now, and that alone gives my life more meaning.  I imagine that this peace I speak of is a preparation for death.  

Listening to the music

I have not posted for awhile because I have been deeply involved with my dreams, and have been researching some meanings of the symbols that I have received.  I am noticing cycles that occur in both my waking life and my dream life.  When I am out of touch with my unconscious, I dream of old friends, old past times which I now believe reflects a longing to return to "paradise".  I am projecting "paradise" outside of me and once I find the truth in that, I then return to deeper work with my unconscious that come up in my dreams.  Most recently, I dreamed that monks were teaching me how to make singing bowls so I could "listen" to the music in my dreams and in my reading.  I often listen with my mind and try to understand the words that I am reading rather than being open to the deeper meaning which comes through my unconscious.  One of the parts of Jung that touches me so much is that he can listen to a dream and then his associations reveal many different avenues.  He is listening to the music of the dream rather than just the manifest content.  This takes time, reflection, acquaintance with a vast amount of material in history, science, mythology, physics, etc.  The rewards are great.  

Side-by-side

A new opposite is coming into view.  I realize that when my children are here with their children, I space out on my own interests, and feel that I have to put my life aside.  That is pretty true because there is so much going on.  However I realize this morning that having my life and living with theirs is not either/or, and that I can balance both with side-by-side attention.  Hopefully that will allow time for both in the future.  Actually, each afternoon, we all had quiet time while the little one was sleeping.  There was time for me to transition to my own interests which I was able to do.  

Thinking versus Living

I have been "gone".  My son and his family were here for the weekend, and so my thoughts are all about how much my heart opened to having them here.  It was wonderful:  one of the delights of having children is enjoying their successes and if they have them, their failures.  I am challenged physically when they are here because there is so much going on all the time.  Rarely a moment when something is happening:  breakfast, lunch, dinner.  When one is finished, it is time to start another meal, clean up, then start again.

I was introduced to all the pigeon books by Mo Willems.  They are such fun.  Also time with Dora on the computer was fun.  

No time to think about Jung, heavy thoughts, only time to live.

Opposites

I am back reflecting on the opposites.  I have been reading about the Red Sun which came into a recent dream.  In doing so, I discover that sun and moon, or man and woman are the greatest opposites to ponder.  Sol (masculine) and Luna (feminine).  I am aware that my definitions of masculine and feminine have changed considerably since I have been dreaming and studying Jung. I believe I have expanded their meanings to include far more than I did when I was growing up in the fifties and most everything was pretty fixed:  women were like June Cleaver and men were like John Wayne.  Pretty stilted, don't you think.  Anyway, I like to consider powerful women and thoughtful men, and I hope to consolidate those characteristics in myself:  to become more of both.  Is the ultimate reconciliation between man and woman.  The alchemists seemed to think so.  There are always two sides to every situation:  nothing is either good or bad.  Thoughts to ponder on since much of conscious life is dictated by right and wrong. 

Greatest passion

It still surprises me when I find something that Jung has said which brings me great comfort.  In this case he says that the strongest passion in humans is not hunger, sex, or power, although these are quite strong; the very strongest passion is laziness.  Again this is in Marie Louise von Franz's book on Archetypal Patterns in Fairy Tales.  Several months ago, I went through a period of several months when I couldn't do anything.  My interest was gone, my libido was hiding, and I was so uncomfortable with not feeling connected to any of my common interests.  I think of that when I read what Jung has to say about laziness.  

I am glad to have my energy back:  it feels more familiar.  In our Western Society we have been taught to work hard, and that was certainly true in my family.  Both my parents worked  very hard as did my  brother and myself.  So when I hit a place of no energy and no interest, I became very upset with myself.  Who knew that laziness was a great human passion.